...and pilates for that matter.
It's me.
Probably knew that already - but couldn't put my finger on what it was exactly that was bothering me. I'm embarrassed. I feel as though I'm being punished. Like this type of exercise is beneath my standards and ability - like I've been sent back to remedial exercise class for being naughty.
So it's a matter of perspective.
This revelation came to me today while I was doing a pilate class (my 2nd). So I tried really hard to change around my thinking, and come up with the positives.
1. this is my reward not my punishment. Dr C suggesting that I try yoga (or pilates) is my reward for working towards being medically stable. She did not threaten me with a hospital admission (punishment) she suggested a safe type of exercise (reward).
2. I can still work on muscle strength like I would in any cardio class, just without putting my heart under stress. So basically it's the same muscle workout but without the danger.
3. It gives me chance to try something new. It might not end up being my favourite thing - but who knows if I don't try. One of my main goals in recovery is to break this paralysing need I have for endless routine. And this is how I do that; by stepping out of my comfort zone and challenging those routines.
4. If I want it to be (and I stop sulking) the class can still be challenging. There is plenty of room for improvement in my core strength - and this will help when I return to my preferred exercise types.
5. I'm being social. Most of my exercise routines (and ED routines) rely on solitude and secrecy. And this breaks that. I'm in a group (albeit an unfamilar group) and I can use this to my advantage if I choose to.
I have also done quite a bit of reading about the science behind yoga and the effect it has on brain wave patterns - so I'm less anxious now about giving it a go, and even asked a friend this morning if she would like to do a class with me
...still, if that's what it takes to get me there, I guess I'll have to let someone to hold my hand :)
3 comments:
This made me smile.
Although I want to change the answer to 'It's my attitude' rather than 'It's me'. :)
Who knew that something slow and gentle could still be exercise and challenging? You're not alone - 'cos it had also never occurred to me before I tackled this whole recovery business! But like you, pilates has grown on me.
I love the things that you have learnt so far and especially that you've asked a friend to go to a class with you. Keep up the good work!
oh, I'm not saying pilates has grown on me!! just that I'm open to the potential of it not being a total waste of time (LOL) :)PJ
Love this thoughtful reframing of things--- yes, it's need for recovery but not just from eating disorder recover. It's needed for every type of recovery (from a bad relationship on), I think. And I love your thoughtful modeling of it. Thank you for sharing.
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