Had a really great talk this morning with a very lovely lady (D). And D just happens to be fully recovered. She is the recovery support officer at a local ED association and is the first person I ever talked to face-to-face who has had an eating disorder (you know, to my knowledge). It was such a productive chat - I even managed to talk a little as well.
So many many things came up - so I'm just going to write them all here in no particular order (although, I do like the first one best!!):
1. I'm going to recover - I have it in me :)
2. Recovery is like climbing a mountain. You just keep going up, even when you slip and have to get up again. And I'm not going to be satisfied with just going most of the way to the top. I want to finish the climb.
3. I 'forget' to take my vitamins, iron supplements, and I won't drink juice or eat meat because I don't think I deserve to feel better (am aware of this one now!!!)
4. I am not alone in thinking that I can somehow protect my family from harm by depriving myself - but that it is not true.
5. My most immediate need is to eat.
6. When I manipulate my treatment team it is not me doing it but my ED - I'm a nice person, my ED is not.
7. My ED put a condition on me returning to a healthy weight to have my babies - "yes you can gain weight, but only if you come back when it's over." And so I did because the ED told me to. I need to stop listening to it.
8. My ED got worse after I first admitted to having a problem because it is scared of me :)
9. Needing help and asking for help does not make me whiney, needy and pathetic.
10. I can call on her anytime I need help :)
I really like D. I related so well to her - I think we are very similar in so many ways, except that I have *such* a long way to go...sigh...