A recent post by the exceptional Carrie Arnold (at Body of Evidence) regarding a current anorexia treatment program (UCAN) which involves the inclusion of partners, got me thinking about how much I am loving having Mr PJ in the loop.
- I love having him to talk to about all this.
- I love being able to collude with him on ways to annoy Dr C.
- I love not having having to hide the fact that I have been crying - and can just 'fess up and get over it rather than carry it around for days.
- I sometimes find it quite frightening when I can't stop myself from running - but I thought I would hate having anyone know that because then they would make me stop - but I love having him know and making me stop.
- I love having someone to go for a walk with - it's friendly and it's safe.
My appointment today with K did not go very well - and as soon as he gets home tonight I will tell him - and I love that :)
And although today I feel as though I'm no further down the path of recovery than I was a year ago, I know that there is now hope that wasn't there a year ago. I've tried it the secret way. IT DOES NOT WORK!!! You cannot do this alone. You need support. Lots of it. I was so scared of telling anyone - for so many reasons - but one of the major reasons was fear that ED would be taken away from me. YES! If no one knows you will never be free.
I want so much tonight to throw my hands in the air and say it's all too hard, I can't do this.
But I won't. I'll talk to Mr PJ. And I'll feel better. And I'll try again tomorrow.
And we'll think up new ways to annoy Dr C :)