Saturday, 14 May 2011

my partner in crime

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A recent post by the exceptional Carrie Arnold (at Body of Evidence) regarding a current anorexia treatment program (UCAN) which involves the inclusion of partners, got me thinking about how much I am loving having Mr PJ in the loop.

  • I love having him to talk to about all this.
     
  • I love being able to collude with him on ways to annoy Dr C.
     
  • I love not having having to hide the fact that I have been crying - and can just 'fess up and get over it rather than carry it around for days.
     
  • I sometimes find it quite frightening when I can't stop myself from running - but I thought I would hate having anyone know that because then they would make me stop - but I love having him know and making me stop.
     
  • I love having someone to go for a walk with - it's friendly and it's safe.

My appointment today with K did not go very well - and as soon as he gets home tonight I will tell him - and I love that :)

And although today I feel as though I'm no further down the path of recovery than I was a year ago, I know that there is now hope that wasn't there a year ago. I've tried it the secret way. IT DOES NOT WORK!!! You cannot do this alone. You need support. Lots of it. I was so scared of telling anyone - for so many reasons - but one of the major reasons was fear that ED would be taken away from me. YES! If no one knows you will never be free.

I want so much tonight to throw my hands in the air and say it's all too hard, I can't do this.

But I won't. I'll talk to Mr PJ. And I'll feel better. And I'll try again tomorrow.
And we'll think up new ways to annoy Dr C :)

2 comments:

EmilyH said...

PJ,

I relate to your relationship with your husband completely. ED is less powerful when my husband is with me. It is when he is at work that I struggle the most.

I am so glad that you have that support and love. I know what you mean about those calm walks; those walks with my husband remind me about what it is really important. What is most lovely, and I know you'll relate, is the laughter. The laughter is reminds me how to be joyful and playful.

-Emily

M said...

Double PJ trouble. ED and Dr C don't stand a chance!