Monday, 2 May 2011

danger, will robinson

there's so much advice in my head!!!
Dr C tells me that the fact that I have trouble accepting, and seeing the severity of my eating disorder is part of the disorder...

M tells me that it is common for patients to change their minds back and forth about recovery...

K tells me that I am going to find sticking to recovery very tough to start with because I have taken away all my exisiting forms of stress relief...

and all this advice is not only well founded, but it is needed! I've had a couple of pretty messy slip-ups and I know I'll have many more before I done :-)

So with this is mind, I've come up with a checklist of my warning signs to help me (and Mr PJ) recognise when I'm struggling before it becomes a problem.
  • feeling like I’m fine so I can just cancel my appointments now :)
  • conversely feeling like I’m ruining everything by eating 
  • not taking my multivitamins and iron supplements
  • deliberately restricting how much/what I eat  
  • drinking coffee/tea instead of eating
  • avoiding K and M
  • lying to Dr C/Mr PJ about what I’ve eaten
  • weighing myself
  • setting myself a new (lower) goal weight
  • thinking: I’ll just get down to Xkg and then I’ll stop
  • feeling physically sick at the thought of eating 
  • feeling like the tension in my chest is getting too much 
  • feeling overwhelmed by my ‘to do’ list
  • feeling like I have to exercise whether I want to or not

and I know I'm guilty of the first three today alone!!

 Obviously I don't know much about this whole 'recovery' thingo, but one thing for sure is I'm going to make a lot of mistakes.
But after reading this post over at Drop it and EAT recently I don't mind so much. I love Lori's acrobat metaphor SO MUCH!! I think of it helps me to keep going even when I stuff up big time :-)

"The longer you wallow in your disappointments, 
the harder it is to get your act together.
And after you slip, remember to pick your self up, with grace.  
Slips happen!
...and, you'll still get applause." 

So, bring on the applause!


HikerRD said...

When you format it like that, it reads so poetically. Thanks!

Might I add that stunning performances, to be real and sustained, do require much practice ; )

PJ said...

ah, well then I guess with all this practising my performace is going to be pretty darn fab!!! :)PJ

spiritedladyliving said...

Great post and I love the quote too!

Sounds like you're doing great!!