Monday, 23 May 2011

a little too personal

I'm really on a roll at the moment. I reeeeeeally want recovery - now!

So I found some courage over the weekend and asked the advice of someone I trust. I wanted her opinion on how to get my recovery moving faster.

And the answer I got was not what I was expecting at all.

I've met some wonderful people online just recently - people who know so much more than me; people who have seen it all; and people who have lived through it all. And the wonderful woman I chose to pose this question to is from the 'people who have lived through it all' camp. So I not only trust her, but she is one of the few people I *can't* say to "but you just don't understand".

So when I got the response, I was competely taken aback - but knew there must have been a very good reason for it. And when I asked her - telling her that I found the response upsetting because it was so personal - her reply was:  
yes - that's the only way to deal with this - to meet the challenge "head on".

So I crawled under the coffee table and waited for the world to swallow me up.

But you know what? 
I can do some really good thinking under there when I need to. After all, like I said, she *really* understands what I'm going through - so I knew that she was right, I just needed to understand why she was right.

But I worked it out...

Nothing must be allowed to stand in the way of my recovery.
Nothing must be used as an excuse.
Nothing is too uncomfortable, too time consuming, too embarrassing or too childish.
No excuses are acceptable.
Do what needs to be done and that's the bottom line.
I must not minimise this illness just because it makes me feel incompetent - that is ED at work.
That is ED's MO.
That is how ED is trying to beat me.

and I won't let that happen.


Rosie said...

So thoughtful, PJ. Love the emphasis on discovering why she was right as, in herently, you knew she was. When we discover they why in things, we can often break them wide open. And, yes, the most important things, once we discover them, we just have to do. Thanks for sharing your journey.

HikerRD said...

Perhaps this is one case where black and white thinking can actually help recovery! (As long as when slips happen, you don't allow yourself to be defeated, and pick up and move on with the same determination of this post!)

spiritedladyliving said...

This is so true PJ and I love the strength of your conviction. That is just what it takes and it worked for me as well. Hang in there, you can do it!!!

Felicity said...

It is so pleasing to read that you have someone as clever and compassionate as your friend with the advice.

Did you find any surprises on the underside of the coffee table?

xx F

M said...

Loving reading this and being excited for you. I adopted the Nike slogan 'just do it' which was helpful to be reminded lots as i saw it written in all kinds of random places. I'm sure you could even get a no excuses t-shirt if you need reminding.

PJ said...

thank you so much for your support - I'm really starting to feel like my old self again - got a bit of my fiesty back. Hope I can hang on to it - yes @HikerRD am watching for slips, and will try to handle them as gracefully as possible :)