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Oh my, what a day. I haven't had a day quite as
intensely distressing as today for a while now.
Oh but I was wrong!
I had such a moment of clarity today where I was actually able to catch my thoughts and stop myself from thinking, "yes, this is a good idea, I need to do this, I'll just do it for 'X amount of time' and then I'll stop"
No.
I won't do this - no reason is acceptable. It is not okay to just do it for now.
No.
It has to stop.
It was almost like someone else was having the conversation and I was just listening-in thinking "that is such a stupid idea".
It was no longer *my* conversation - it no longer belonged to me.
I would quite happily never have another day like today for as long as I live. In fact I would be quite happy to wake tomorrow recovered. But since that ain't gonna happen I may as well find all the positives I can. I mean I do like to know I am recovering - even though I don't really sometimes... Recovery is jolly complicated actually - but intellectually it's quite interesting :)
3 comments:
YES! Seeing the conversation, the voice rather than being it...that distinguishing and differentiation is such progress!! Celebrate it.
That quote is awesome and SO true. I think I am going nowhere and then I look back and I'm like...wow! I can't believe I have maintained this weight or not restricted in months and months and it's not even an option!
@Missy - I thought that quote was great too - I can't believe I've been doing this now for a year and although I don't think I've made progress when I look back I can see just how far I've come :)
Sending good vibes.
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