Thursday, 28 July 2011

ED is getting petulant

this is how I'm going to see my ED from now on!!

I've had a couple of quite big challenges over the last few days - challenges that have left me in tears, and which have had me seriously reconsidering where I am going and whether I like who I am becoming. And all of which I have managed to get through with a reasonable amount of dignity still intact (huge improvement on some serious hissys I've had recently!).

And I've noticed that I've started to become able to separate my thoughts from my actions. My mind is still yelling abuse and telling me what to do (and the consequences if I don't), but my body is on auto-pilot.

Sure ED is telling me not to eat, and how if I just know what I weigh I'll be able to get everything 'back on track' (ED's track you understand).
But my body still goes and makes the meal and eats the meal, and then sits down after - no matter how much my brain says 'go running now'.

ED is saying all the same things, but it's tone of voice is different. It's much quieter, yes. But it's also petulant. And that's quite funny. It's a scowling, arms-crossed, huffy little sook. With it's bottom lip stuck out telling me 'if you eat that I'll scream!'

So? Go ahead and scream you little brat! I couldn't care less.

Hellooo?? I'm the one in charge! Remember?!

5 comments:

Fragancia said...

My body and brain are always in a fight about eating sugars! screw the temptations :) You have such a cute blog. Im your new follower. I'd love if you check my blog and follow back :)
xoxox
http://cosmopearls.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Hooray for you and your power to recognise a petulant little brat that takes up way too much head space!

So proud of you.
Poppy xoxo

M said...

love, love, love that you are doing the right thing and thus causing ED to chuck a right royal tanty! Stick him in the naughty corner and ignore him I say.

Chloe` said...

I cannot even tell you how much I can relate to this at this very moment. I am so thankful that my body is strong enough to sit down and eat even when my brain is telling me to walk away... I just know that soon, my brain and my heart will be on the same page... until then we will trust in the power of healing and those around us to support us! Thank you for this blog, it has made me feel like I am in good company through recovery... what an inspiration!

Blessings,
Chloe`

Mum on the Run said...

I love that imagery.
:-)