|this is how I'm going to see my ED from now on!!|
I've had a couple of quite big challenges over the last few days - challenges that have left me in tears, and which have had me seriously reconsidering where I am going and whether I like who I am becoming. And all of which I have managed to get through with a reasonable amount of dignity still intact (huge improvement on some serious hissys I've had recently!).
And I've noticed that I've started to become able to separate my thoughts from my actions. My mind is still yelling abuse and telling me what to do (and the consequences if I don't), but my body is on auto-pilot.
Sure ED is telling me not to eat, and how if I just know what I weigh I'll be able to get everything 'back on track' (ED's track you understand).
But my body still goes and makes the meal and eats the meal, and then sits down after - no matter how much my brain says 'go running now'.
ED is saying all the same things, but it's tone of voice is different. It's much quieter, yes. But it's also petulant. And that's quite funny. It's a scowling, arms-crossed, huffy little sook. With it's bottom lip stuck out telling me 'if you eat that I'll scream!'
So? Go ahead and scream you little brat! I couldn't care less.
Hellooo?? I'm the one in charge! Remember?!