Monday, 24 October 2011



This time will be different.

I won't eat dinner. That will fix it. That will help me lose this extra weight.

And once I've lost the weight, then I'll stop doing this and get better, then. I'll just take a little break from recovery until I've lost this weight. But not too much. Just xxxkg. That's perfectly reasonable.

And it will be fine. In fact better than fine. It won't be like last time - it will make me feel much better.

And then I will stop.

This time will be different.

Only guess what? It's not different. I feel awful. I'm lethargic. I'm dehydrated. I'm dizzy and I'm having trouble breathing. I'm having trouble sleeping. I'm having trouble concentrating and I keep forgetting things.

I don't want to go down this path again. I want to feel good - in both my body and mind. And I won't until I consistently give my body the fuel it needs.

Try to remember this for next time please PJ!! The result never changes.

published by:


C-Girl said...

what a genuine and honest revelation.... It always surprises me how our minds can convince us that restricting will ALWAYS make us feel better... when in reality, it only makes it harder to breathe. It is so hard to remember, but this post is an excellent reminder to yourself and to us, thank you for this! Keep pushing through what feels "reasonable" and soon enough the ED "reasonable" will become unreasonable... and that is where we all want to stay. Blessings, Chloe`

Chantell said...

Thankyou for this! I feel like you are in my own head, this is almost word for word what my thoughts recite to me on a daily basis..."If I can just lose a few more kiols, then maybe I will eat a little more like everyone wants me to"...Trouble is, logically, I know however much I lose, I will never reach the 'magic' number, or image that I'm content with...BUT those thoughts still reply over and over, exactly like you said!

Hang in there, it sounds like you have come a long way, and are doing really well! Keep focusing on how good it felt to not be dizzy and dehydrated, 'foggy', etc...Good on you for being so determined to recover! :)

Anonymous said...

I Definately needed to hear this tonight. ED can be so persuasive saying restricting this or losing that will solve the problem. We know better though, it only leads to sickness and heartache. :(

Praying for you, hope you are doing well this week <3

M said...

Hang in there!

Recognising that it won't be different is part of the battle and is what will make things different as you keep going in the right direction, to recovery and life and all the good things to come.

Sarah said...

such a good quote, and so so true!