And I think I can say this with some degree of certainty now after 8 weeks. Plus I even managed to stop the nurse who was weighing me for my recent ECG from telling me my weight or writing it where I could see it (even though she had *no idea* what I was on about and I could so easily have cheated).
But I still really want to.
I liken it to a smoker who knows they have to give up smoking for their health but still really wants to do it. Ask in them in 6 months (or even 6 years) if they would like to take it up again and I bet 9 out of 10 times the answer is 'yes' - but they don't do it because they know it's not good for them.
So I'm not expecting to be happy about it. I just know I shouldn't.
Mostly because it is not the great stress reliever I thought it was. I thought it was helping me to relax because I knew what I weighed, so I was either 'good' or 'bad' (in which case I needed to 'work harder').
But now that I've stopped I can see that there are far less consequences to everything, which is helpful:
- I am able to eat without worrying what the scales will say
- I can stop exercising without worrying what the scales will say
- I can sleep through the night without having to get up just to check what the scales say
- I say I need to eat because my body cannot sustain starvation
- I say I need to eat because I need my mind to function properly
- I say I need to stop exercising at the moment to allow my heart to heal.
- I say I am in charge - not the scales and not ED.
After all, my life is worth more than a number on the scales. I am important in the lives of others and that gives me value which cannot be measured. So even though my jeans didn't fit this morning, and even though I have cried far too much over this fact, I will still not be weighing myself. Will you?