Wednesday, 27 June 2012

wow, just wow...

my ED thinking has been ramping up a lot over the last week or so. And my big problem is, is that I'm loving it. I'm relaxed and relieved at not fighting it - and yes, once again, it's fixing everything. Yay me, right?

So since I don't want to fight back I thought I would humour ED and make a list of everything that being skinny means to me. Yeah...interesting list...

It makes me a better person
It makes me more fun to be around
I'm more confident
I can be taken seriously - when I'm 'overweight' people think I'm a joke
I'm less self conscious
I can wear what ever I like
People won't judge me
If I make a mistake people will be more forgiving
People will accept that I am intelligent
No one will laugh at me
No one will stare at me
I will like myself better
I won't call myself names

I know there's more to add to this list, but you get the idea.
wow, just wow - right...

1 comment:

Daniella said...

This post broke my heart to read. Not because I don't know that list or these feelings because I do. After recently relapsing pretty badly, I know this pretty well.

I have never met you or seen a picture of you, but I can tell you with 100% certainty that being thin doesn't give you all of these things, but instead is what the ED wants you to believe. It's how it lures you in and traps you.

You are a good person simply for being alive and being yourself. And I have no doubt that your confidence, sociability etc. is directly related to your personality, not thinness.

I know that it's easy to believe that thinness will make your life better or make you feel ok, I've subscribed to that BS for years. But I just want you to know that it's a false hope. The ED will feed you lies but it will not bring your happiness or make you ok with yourself. It will not give you peace and freedom.

It may seem difficult now and trust me I feel exactly the same, but all of the things that you mentioned and even more amazing things will come when you beat the ED's butt.

Hang in there,