Sunday, 20 November 2011

If I read one more tweet/blog that tells me I'm not "REAL" I'm going to scream!

I've got my ranty pants on today - and unlike the last time I blogged something to this effect I'm not going to let you make me feel bad about myself.

I've just read those damn words again:
"real women have curves"

But so many of you who say this also say you advocate "Size Acceptance" and "Health at Every Size"?


Now for those of you who just say you advocate for "Fat Acceptance" I don't mind this in the least. You are not implying that you speak for me. As a fat woman you have every right to push back against societal stereotypes and inequities - and you know what - I support you! I think society is very unfair, biased and down-right appalling in it's general treatment of fat people.

But I'm here (complete with ranty pants) to tell you that if you want to speak for "Heath at EVERY size" you sure better include MY size in that - as well as EVERYONE elses.

Because I exist.  

And what is it exactly that you think makes you a MORE real woman than me?

I'm a woman.

I have had three babies.

I have a loving husband and wonderful friends.

I laugh and love and cry and dream.

I am strong.

I have a career I love.

I am getting healthier every day.

I am not the size of my trousers any more than you are!

And don't you dare say that I am a fat-hater. At no point anywhere in my blog or in my life have I judged anyone by their size. You know nothing of my history or my experiences. So that won't ever be justification for how inferior you have tried to make me feel.

This issue has nothing to do with being fat or being skinny. It's about accepting people for who they are - regardless of size. That REAL WOMEN come in all shapes and sizes, and being skinny does not make you less, any more than being fat does.

So if you think it is offensive for someone to judge you based on your size, well guess what sister - that's exactly what you just did to me  - and I am offended. And you are a hypocrite.

Your words have power, and meaning, and they hurt.

And if you insist on telling me you are more real than I am I will call you on it. I have found my voice and I am not afraid to be me anymore.

I am not better than you. But I sure as hell am not any less real than you either.


PlanningQueen said...

Can understand your frustration. No deserves to be judged on their size. xx

Katesome said...


I couldn't agree more. There is a lot of this in some corners of the world. Lots on Pinterest. I have specifically commented on this very issue on repeated occasions and have a statement about it on my boards.

It's bullshit. All women are real women and all men are real men. People may have a preference for one body shape over another, but that has nothing to do with the 'realness' of either body shape.

Women need to start supporting all women irrespective of shape. It's the only way to make progress. I think most women when you explain it to them understand. I think they are so used to the thin being lauded as ideal, they like the idea of rebelling against that. Which I can understand, but that doesn't need to be done at the expense of others.

ANOTHER great post!!


Louisa Claire said...

I wrote a post yesterday about how (many) women are always looking at the "one thing" they could change and as a curvy woman one of the things that comes to my mind is being skinnier - and I hear from a lot of my women friends, regardless of their size, that they often think that too. At the same time, as I was writing it I had this thought in my mind - some women are not curvy and will never be curvy and their struggles or desires are very different and equally legitimate. I hope I conveyed it suitably and think what you are saying in this post is really important!

The Dandelion Girl said...

via the interweb (though I *wish* I could take credit, but alas I cannot)
"Real women have curves, and not. They are tall, and not. They are brown-skinned, and olive-skinned, and not. They have small breasts, and big ones, and no breasts whatsoever....Real women are fat. And thin. And both, and neither, and otherwise. Doesn’t make them any less real.”

PJ said...

Thank you for 'getting' what I am trying to say!!!
And thank you @DandelionGirl for sharing that great quote. It is perfect :)

Amber said...

Thankyou for saying this! The real women have curves thing infuriates me to no end. I have never had curves even at a healthy weight and always felt it as a personal insult when i heard things like this. It's something i can't change and i shouldn't have to feel less feminine or less 'real' because of it x

scottrecovered said...

AMEN! I think it is so overlooked that being underweight has stigmas with it too, and health at every size means just that, EVERY SIZE!