Thursday, 5 April 2012

screw calm

appropriate pic from here

I don't have a lot to say at the moment.

Actually I have a lot to say - but it's all ranty, screamy, cranky crap that I'm not really sure I should let out here.

Some of it is bitching about my 'so called (IRL) friends' who I'm just *over* at the moment. Over their judgy-judgy games. Over their inane conversations. Quite frankly I'm just over trying to socialise and be nice.

Some of it is really not-appropriate anti-recovery stuff I really don't want to say here. I know that it's good to be real and honest - and show readers that everyone has ups and downs - but I'm conscious of not wanting to give anyone an excuse for embracing a slip or relapse.

And some of it is cranky "I don' want to talk to you" "I don't need your help" ranting directed at J and DrC that I can see perfectly well is just because I'm avoiding stuff.

So no great insights today. No neat wrap-up where I see the error of my ways and turn it into a positive.

Today it's just bollocks, bugger, crap, stupid, leave me alone shit that I don't really feel any better for having voiced But that's life boys and girls.


HikerRD said...

Personally, I find honesty, gutsy, in your face honesty, quite refreshing!

Maisen Mosley said...

I love this PJ! It's all part of recovery and you said it perfectly!!!
Hang in there!

Chantell said...

Anger can be a great way of releasing emotions, PJ...We do all have rough patches, and I understand you being worried about triggering anyone else, but I think if you feel the need to vent, then you should feel free enough to do so here on your blog ~ I guess your honesty is what attracts people like me to your blog, because, as you said, the IRL friends don't always get it...Having an eating disorder can be a very isolating experience, I know :( And just so you know, I was totally ready to walk out of my counsellor's room yesterday, just don't want to tackle this anymore...So I think we all have moments like those...

Hugs to you...Sorry I have rambled so much, but hope some of it makes sense? Have a lovely Easter too :o)


Jennifer said...

I just need to say that, Oh man, do I hear you on this right now!!!
You just wrote ME at the moment...and I don't like feeling this way, but part of me feels like I'm entitled too and everyone can just go away...thank you for being so honest with how you feel right now and not sugar coating it because we are "supposed to".

scottrecovered said...

I know this is a bit late, but I am glad you let it out, even just a bit :) I hope things are better now :)